“This hurts” should not be so complicated

I hate having to explain everything.

I can’t say “that hurts” without having to explain exactly why and how it hurts and give examples of times it has hurt before and show writing by other people on the autism spectrum confirming that for some of us the thing does indeed hurt and make an analogy between the hurt and another hurt that the person I am trying to convince has experienced. Even if I manage to convince the person I am actually in pain they will tell me I am only in pain because I think I am and/or they will act offended, as if I was hurting on purpose just to insult or annoy them.



5 thoughts on ““This hurts” should not be so complicated

  1. A hurt perceived is still a hurt. Your feelings are valid, even when other’s do not recognized them as such. It what you do with those feelings that makes you who you are.

  2. I cannot describe how much I hate it when people say “You only hurt if you allow it.” Bull. That is not true.

    We hurt inside when people do things that are hurtful. Saying that you only hurt because you choose to hurt removes all responsibility from the person doing the hurting. People who say it’s your fault follow this mentality: Sally isn’t crying because Jill called her fat. She is crying because she chooses to feel hurt. It isn’t Jill’s fault that Sally doesn’t have a thicker skin.

    So not only is poor Sally hurt by Jill’s verbal abuse, but now she is assaulted again as we blame her for feeling pain. No. I say NO.

    Emotion is a natural response. Part of being human is that we hurt. We feel love, joy, pain, sadness. If it were TRULY possible for people to simply not feel, we would all be mindless, apathetic beings. I mean..who wants to feel sad or hurt? It isn’t the emotional response that we have control over, but we do have control over what we do about those emotions. Do we confront the person? Cry in the shower? Call a friend? We do have a choice in how we respond to those emotions. The fact that you need to explain your hurt in such detail tells me that you are used to people dismissing your pain. That, to me, is so sad. ❤

    • Thank you so much for your comment.
      “I cannot describe how much I hate it when people say “You only hurt if you allow it.” Bull. That is not true.”
      I agree.
      Often people will not believe that things like fluorescent lights or panic attacks hurt.
      Nice to meet you. 🙂

  3. I take it you’ve seen the news articles making the rounds about the debate whether autistics feel pain. For every one of their stilted, empty assumptions, I would show them a hundred of you. Or me. Or any other autistic.

    Don’t let the words stop. As Jim Morrison once put it, “you have the right to feel your pain”. Pain tells us there is something wrong that needs to be fixed.

    I hope you don’t mind some poetic encouragement.
    I wrote it to my fifteen year-old self but perhaps it might speak to you, too.


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