The Mag 195

Bronze water curls in on itself. The blood in my veins matches the rhythm of the waves. The boat bucks and spatters. Droplets tickle. My thoughts seep into the river.

This poem/vignette/something was done for the Mag. If anyone has suggestions about line breaks, they’d be welcome.

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9 thoughts on “The Mag 195

  1. Bronze water curls
    my blood flows with the river
    rhythm of the waves
    .
    Boat bucks and spatters
    droplets tickle
    My thoughts seep into the river
    .
    Your lines went so easily into these haiku (two stanzas 5/7/5 syllables)

    Intriguing thoughts:)

  2. I actually enjoyed the lines run together …. if altered, I might go in this direction ~~~

    bronze water
    curls in on itself
    the blood
    in my veins matches
    the rhythm of the waves
    the boat bucks and spatters
    droplets tickle
    my thoughts
    seep into the river

  3. I love what you wrote. If anything should be changed, and I’m not sure it should, I would slow it way down like this:

    Bronze water
    curls in
    on itself.
    The blood
    in my veins
    matches
    the rhythm
    of the waves.
    The boat bucks
    and spatters.
    Droplets tickle.
    My thoughts
    seep
    into the river.

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